snowed in. [ March 16 ] [ music | led zepplin::ramble on ] since i'm stuck in my house tonight (which i totally don't mind since my dad is away on business hah) i figured i'd update for anyone who still reads this thing. i kinda forgot myself that this thing still existed. the amount of ups and downs that i've been experiancing lately is unbelievable.  one day i'm so into the moment and so happy, and then the next day i'm ready to dive off a cliff.  it's driving me insane, but i'm sure it will pass.  i get into these cycles when i have so much going on at once.  and it doesn't help that i constantly feel burnt out and never have any idea what is going on around me. (not good). even though i am being a lazy senior (which is completely awsome, by the way), the stresses of deciding the right college for me, and arguing with my parents over what is right for me, has been driving me up the fucking wall.  although, i'm 99% sure i'm heading off to buffalo next year.  the more i think about it, the more excited i get about going there. plus, it's six hours away from here, which is seriouslly needed.   i doubt the snow and cold is going to bother me, so when i tell people i'm going to buffalo, they can stop telling me "oh, it snows so much there!" thanks, i got the memo. i've been going down memory lane the past few weeks and been looking through pictures on my computer for the past four years.  i can't believe how much everything has changed since freshman year, and i can't believe that high school is almost over. it seems like all those things i see in those pictures happened yesterday, and it's kinda terrifying to think that in 5 months i will be leaving it all behind.  there are also some people in my pictures that have faded away, and it hurts to remember why.  old boyfriends, old friends, old swimming pictures.  maybe i'm not as ready to leave all this as i think i am. well, time will tell.  i'm pretty sure i've contradicted myself at least ten times in this entry.  well, i'm just typing as i think here. okay, i need to get wasted right now after forcing myself to think about all these things. and, that will be accomplished tomorrow cause you know, everyone is irish on st. patricks day :D 2

[ February 28 ] can someone tell me where to go to college? penn state or buffalo? can someone also tell me that with everything that i have going for me at the moment, why i still am so miserable? what am i doing that isn't good enough? 2

[ December 30 ] dear college acceptance letters, WHERE ARE YOU?! 0

[ December 17 ] someone tell me what to get my boyfriend for christmas! 1

[ November 25 ] i thought senior year was about everyone coming together and being friends. but, how come so far this year, all i feel like is that everyone is drifting further and further apart? 2

[ October 12 ] [ mood | crappy ] you know, it can't be good when you think you're not good enough for anyone anymore. including yourself.. 2

[ September 25 ] i don't think i've ever been this happy before. i don't know what's wrong with me today but i was just in a good mood all day long and i couldnt stop smiling. everything is kinda sorta working out. visiting maryland on saturday then going to the beach for the three day weekend. now if only i could get into college right now so i don't have to stress about this anymore. but anyways, :) 1

[ September 22 ] "There is no need to worry. The things you're concerned about are going to be fine." probaby the most comforting horoscope ever. maybe i'll finally have a really good day. 0

[ September 10 ] the count begins..282 days until graduation & for some reason i feel like the people in this town are going to make it easier, not harder, for me to leave this place and get the fuck out of high school. that's all. 1

[ August 15 ] [ mood | sleepy ] one month. i got a rose. who ever thought i was capable of having a relationship? not me, that's for sure. but this is kinda sorta working. and i'm kinda sorta happy. 2

[ July 31 ] [ music | snails-the format ] summer come back. you're running away from me. 0

[ July 25 ] 3150$ damage. 3 weeks with no car. good job lauren! 0

[ July 17 ] the past few days have been filled with a lot of smiliing and a lot of crying. my body hasn't been put through this roller coaster of emotions in a while and i guess i forgot how bad i am at handling difficult situations. i need to learn that i can't always do everything by myself. sometimes, i need help. and that's okay. it's okay to be angry and upset and confused and lost. it's okay. but you need to learn where you can handle some things and where you can't anymore. i learned that line yesterday. i'm sure my parents will now be more overprotective than they've ever been and i can kiss my 130 cerfew goodbye..and driving late at night (which is not going to matter anymore since i don't have a car for the next week or so i guess). well, anyway, i guess the point of this post is to apologize to anyone who i've hurt since summer started. or to anyone that i've been "ignoring." i'm a hopeless wreck and hopefully you guys can forgive me. i'm trying, even though it may not seem like it, you have to believe me that i am. i'm sorry work takes over my life in the summer. but i'm going to try now to make a better effort to see everyone that i've missed for too long because it's killing me. 1

[ July 14 ] no. you are wrong. so wrong. and what makes it worse? you don't even realize it. you don't realize i'm slipping through your fingers. and that's because you aren't even trying to hang on. later bitch. 1

[ July 7 ] [ mood | cranky ] i think ive lost the best friends ive ever had. and with every single breath i take, i regret almost every decision i've made in the past year. good job lauren. 0

[ June 26 ] the SATs have officially ruined my life. i'm not getting to college. i hate myself. FAILURE. 0

[ June 21 ] i wish i knew something about physics so i don't bomb the regents tomorrow. oops. 0

[ June 15 ] [ music | how to save a life. the fray ] i hate when i start thinking about everything. especially when i have a final tomorrow and i need to study. i don't know what i have been doing lately to get everyone mad at me, but i'm sorry. and if anyone would like to tell me what i'm doing wrong, that will be helpful too because i'm sick of people getting upset and angry with me and then they decide just not to tell me and i have to hear it from someone else. not cool. for some reason i am worried about this summer. something's going to go wrong. i can feel it already. one year till graduation? cant wait. 0

[ June 12 ] [ mood | hopeful ] [ music | mae-soundtrack for our movie ] seniors 07? im growing up? what?! when did this happen? 1

[ May 23 ] [ mood | content ] la la la la la la la la gotta love days with too much caffeine. pretty weather makes me smile. 0

navigation [ viewing | most recent entries ] [ go | earlier ]