urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:hopeless_l0ve lauren.michelle lauren.michelle 2007-03-17T02:30:27Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:hopeless_l0ve:29125 2007-03-17T02:30:27Z 2007-03-17T02:30:27Z led zepplin::ramble on <p>since i'm stuck in my house tonight (which i totally don't mind since my dad is away on business hah) i figured i'd update for anyone who still reads this thing.&nbsp;i kinda forgot myself that this thing still existed.<br />the amount of ups and downs that i've been experiancing lately is unbelievable.&nbsp; one day i'm so into the moment and so happy, and then the next day i'm ready to dive off a cliff.&nbsp; it's driving me insane, but i'm sure it will pass.&nbsp; i get into these cycles when i have so much going on at once.&nbsp;&nbsp;and it doesn't help that i constantly feel burnt out and never have any idea what is going on around me. (not good).<br />even though i am being a lazy senior (which is completely awsome, by the way), the stresses of deciding the right college for me, and arguing with my parents over what is right for me, has been driving me up the fucking wall.&nbsp; although, i'm 99% sure i'm heading off to buffalo next year.&nbsp; the more i think about it, the more excited i get about going there. plus, it's six hours away from here, which is seriouslly needed.&nbsp;&nbsp; i doubt the snow and cold is going to bother me, so when i tell people i'm going to buffalo, they can stop telling me "oh, it snows so much there!" thanks, i got the memo.<br />i've been going down memory lane the past few weeks and been looking through pictures on my computer for the past four years.&nbsp; i can't believe how much everything has changed since freshman year, and i can't believe that high school is almost over. it seems like all those things i see in those pictures happened yesterday, and it's kinda terrifying to think that in 5 months i will be leaving it all behind.&nbsp; there are also some people in my pictures that have faded away, and it hurts to remember why.&nbsp; old boyfriends, old friends, old swimming pictures.&nbsp; maybe i'm not as ready to leave all this as i think i am. well, time will tell.&nbsp;<br />i'm pretty sure i've contradicted myself at least ten times in this entry.&nbsp; well, i'm just typing as i think here. okay, i need to get wasted right now after forcing myself to think about all these things. and, that will be accomplished tomorrow cause you know, everyone is irish on st. patricks day :D</p> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:hopeless_l0ve:28733 2007-02-28T19:42:02Z 2007-02-28T19:42:02Z can someone tell me where to go to college? penn state or buffalo?<br /><br />can someone also tell me that with everything that i have going for me at the moment, why i still am so miserable?<br /><br />what am i doing that isn't good enough? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:hopeless_l0ve:28655 2006-12-30T16:50:38Z 2006-12-30T16:50:38Z dear college acceptance letters,<br /><br />WHERE ARE YOU?! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:hopeless_l0ve:28361 2006-12-18T02:42:55Z 2006-12-18T02:42:55Z someone tell me what to get my boyfriend for christmas! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:hopeless_l0ve:27964 2006-11-25T17:29:04Z 2006-11-25T17:29:04Z i thought senior year was about everyone coming together and being friends.<br />but, how come so far this year, all i feel like is that everyone is drifting further and further apart? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:hopeless_l0ve:27725 2006-10-13T03:35:52Z 2006-10-13T03:35:52Z you know, it can't be good when you think you're <strong>not good enough</strong> for <em>anyone </em>anymore. including <u>yourself</u>.. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:hopeless_l0ve:27511 2006-09-25T23:33:19Z 2006-09-25T23:33:19Z i don't think i've ever been this happy before. i don't know what's wrong with me today but i was just in a good mood all day long and i couldnt stop smiling.<br />everything is kinda sorta working out.<br />visiting maryland on saturday then going to the beach for the three day weekend.<br /><br />now if only i could get into college right now so i don't have to stress about this anymore.<br /><br />but anyways, :) urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:hopeless_l0ve:27322 2006-09-22T10:19:05Z 2006-09-22T10:19:05Z "There is no need to worry. The things you're concerned about are going to be fine."<br /><br /><br /><br />probaby the most comforting horoscope ever. maybe i'll finally have a really good day. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:hopeless_l0ve:26914 2006-09-10T17:36:55Z 2006-09-10T17:36:55Z the count begins..282 days until graduation<br />& for some reason i feel like the people in this town are going to make it easier, not harder, for me to leave this place and get the fuck out of high school.<br /><br />that's all. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:hopeless_l0ve:26691 2006-08-15T04:17:49Z 2006-08-15T04:18:00Z one month.<br />i got a rose.<br />who ever thought i was capable of having a relationship?<br />not me, that's for sure.<br />but this is kinda sorta working.<br />and i'm kinda sorta happy. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:hopeless_l0ve:26438 2006-08-01T02:18:15Z 2006-08-01T02:18:15Z snails-the format summer come back.<br />you're running away from me. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:hopeless_l0ve:26207 2006-07-25T21:17:31Z 2006-07-25T21:17:31Z 3150$ damage.<br />3 weeks with no car.<br />good job lauren! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:hopeless_l0ve:25696 2006-07-17T14:24:59Z 2006-07-17T14:24:59Z the past few days have been filled with a lot of smiliing and a lot of crying. my body hasn't been put through this roller coaster of emotions in a while and i guess i forgot how bad i am at handling difficult situations.<br /><br />i need to learn that i can't always do everything by myself. sometimes, i need help. and that's okay. it's okay to be angry and upset and confused and lost. it's okay. but you need to learn where you can handle some things and where you can't anymore. i learned that line yesterday. i'm sure my parents will now be more overprotective than they've ever been and i can kiss my 130 cerfew goodbye..and driving late at night (which is not going to matter anymore since i don't have a car for the next week or so i guess). <br /><br />well, anyway, i guess the point of this post is to apologize to anyone who i've hurt since summer started. or to anyone that i've been "ignoring." i'm a hopeless wreck and hopefully you guys can forgive me. i'm trying, even though it may not seem like it, you have to believe me that i am. i'm sorry work takes over my life in the summer. but i'm going to try now to make a better effort to see everyone that i've missed for too long because it's killing me. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:hopeless_l0ve:25486 2006-07-14T04:54:25Z 2006-07-14T04:54:25Z no. you are wrong. so wrong. and what makes it worse? you don't even realize it. you don't realize i'm slipping through your fingers. and that's because you aren't even trying to hang on.<br /><br />later bitch. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:hopeless_l0ve:25190 2006-07-08T03:48:38Z 2006-07-08T03:48:38Z i think ive lost the best friends ive ever had.<br />and with every single breath i take, i regret almost every decision i've made in the past year.<br /><br />good job lauren. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:hopeless_l0ve:25005 2006-06-26T11:54:50Z 2006-06-26T11:54:50Z the SATs have officially ruined my life.<br />i'm not getting to college.<br />i hate myself.<br />FAILURE. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:hopeless_l0ve:24713 2006-06-21T23:56:57Z 2006-06-21T23:56:57Z i wish i knew something about physics so i don't bomb the regents tomorrow.<br />oops. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:hopeless_l0ve:24058 2006-06-16T00:40:53Z 2006-06-16T00:40:53Z how to save a life. the fray i hate when i start thinking about everything.<br />especially when i have a final tomorrow and i need to study.<br /><br />i don't know what i have been doing lately to get everyone mad at me, but i'm sorry. and if anyone would like to tell me what i'm doing wrong, that will be helpful too because i'm sick of people getting upset and angry with me and then they decide just not to tell me and i have to hear it from someone else. not cool.<br /><br />for some reason i am worried about this summer. something's going to go wrong. i can feel it already.<br /><br />one year till graduation? cant wait. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:hopeless_l0ve:23566 2006-06-13T01:34:38Z 2006-06-13T01:34:38Z mae-soundtrack for our movie seniors 07?<br />im growing up?<br />what?! when did this happen? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:hopeless_l0ve:23302 2006-05-23T23:52:34Z 2006-05-23T23:52:34Z la la la la la la la la <br /><br />gotta love days with too much caffeine.<br /><br />pretty weather makes me smile. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:hopeless_l0ve:23053 2006-05-22T02:09:04Z 2006-05-22T02:09:04Z tv i was always told never to go to sleep angry or upset.<br /><br />i never do what i'm told. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:hopeless_l0ve:22718 2006-05-17T09:54:44Z 2006-05-17T10:02:12Z sometimes, i sit down to do all the work i have to do at 9:00, and then fall asleep at my desk because stress and aniexty has kept me awake sunday and last night. i then sometimes wake up at 3:28 and can't go back to sleep because of the million things that are on my mind, so i sit at the computer for 4 hours until it's time for school listening to music..<br /><br />someone tell me some good music to listen to. i can't decide anymore.<br /><br />by the way, in case you cared, i'm pretty sure this journal isn't friends only anymore. not like that many people are on livejournal, anyway. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:hopeless_l0ve:22487 2006-05-15T19:51:52Z 2006-05-16T00:59:58Z death cab life's kinda funny in the way that things never end up the way you intend them to. it's almost like everything you do is doomed from the start. <br /><br />well, at least that's the way things have been for me the past three and a half years. this one especially. if i've learned anything though from all the bullshit, is that you just gotta smile and move on. <br /><br />but lately, why has that been so hard? i dont think i've ever been so unsure of myself. who said that change was always a good thing? <br /><br />you're wrong.<br /><br /><strong>[edit] </strong>when did teachers decide that it would be a good idea to assign projects and reports all at the same time and have all their due dates land within a 2 day span right before the SATs.&nbsp; instead of writing the three essays i have to do for tomorrow (one of which was due today) i have been looking at colleges online in hopes of getting some motivation to get on top of my school work since i've managed to slack off so much this year.&nbsp; i think i'm in love with james madison.&nbsp; i'm pretty sure i can get in as long as i do a little better on my SATs in june.&nbsp; it's seven hours away, the basis of it's appeal, it has the program i want for my major, and it's not a small school, but it's not huge.&nbsp; i can't wait to go visit. so what is it, a year and a month till graduation?&nbsp; i've been waiting for that moment since freshman year. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:hopeless_l0ve:21590 2006-04-30T16:27:54Z 2006-04-30T16:27:54Z honestly, i'd rather be dead than for another minute feel the way i do right now. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:hopeless_l0ve:21428 2006-04-17T16:46:02Z 2006-04-17T16:46:02Z hi! my name is lauren.<br />i have ADD and am the world's greatest procrastinator.<br /><br />okay, i admit my problems. now, can someone please write my english paper?<br />THANK YOU!